i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
