i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
