the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
