I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
