There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
