I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
