I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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