The maid of honor just puked.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
