I wannas sexs uuuuu
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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