hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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