I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
