I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
