Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
