What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
