i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
