I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
