Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
