my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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