finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
