For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
