i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
