You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
