I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
