You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
