you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
