I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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