We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
