you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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