I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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