guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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