It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
