I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
