I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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