I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
