Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
