new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
