There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i think my cat just said my name.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
