I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
