if you like me you must not know who I am
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
