My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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