Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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