I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
