2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
