Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
