are you still at the devil's house?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
