how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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