If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you never un-have a 4some
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
