Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Even my vagina gasped.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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