i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
