god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just googled if crying burns calories
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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