Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
