Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
