I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
